Remembrances of Things Past
by MeredithBrody
Summary: A case comes in that reminds Meredith Brody of home. Her last home. The home she only had with her sister.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, welcome to my latest fic. This one is, largely, about Brody and her relationship with her sister. There is mild established Prody throughout. The fic was, originally, going to be very different, but then my muse went in another direction. This one is 10 chapters long. A special shout out goes to my sisters. My twin-ish Lauren and our younger sibling Toilet. Almost all the _memories_ are adapted from things in my own childhood so... this is quite a personal fic. ((A lot of the funeral feelings actually come from how I felt after my friend Spo died.))  
Shin xx**

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Meredith Brody hated cases like this. The ones that hit just a little too close to home, and reminded one member of their team of something. It was worse for her when she was the one being reminded. It was the name. Why was that making her so jittery. There was no real reason for it to be. "Tell me things." Pride interrupted her thoughts, and she was actually more than a little grateful for that this time.

"Eloise Bryant. Petty officer first class off the USS Seawolf." That was the basics. Name and rank, the first and only thing that mattered to some of these sailors. Whether or not Bryant was that type she'd likely never know. "She was due back after liberty yesterday. She didn't return. The CO says that's unlike her, which seems to be backed up by her records." She was surprised by the amount of glowing reports in Bryant's file.

"Family?" Pride pushed, and she looked down at her file even though the information was up on the screen. That was when she realised that there was a reason, possibly, why this file and this case were gnawing at a corner of her memory.

"A twin sister, Madeline." She trailed off, staring at the name. Now that was a coincidence, but one that could be easily explained away. Eloise and Madeline went together, the same way Emily and Meredith did. Maybe they weren't the most common names to find together but they worked. That was the important thing when parents picked their children's names, surely.

"You alright?" LaSalle asked, clearly recognising that her mind had drifted from the presentation she was meant to be giving. It felt a little humbling to be essentially called out for not paying attention. She'd never really been good at paying attention when something distracted her.

"Yeah, sorry." She apologised, looking briefly at Pride and hoping that he wasn't too angry at her for drifting off into her own world.

That was the moment he went back to pushing on with the case. LaSalle finally coming to stand with them rather than being sat at his desk like he had been doing up until this point. "Parents?"

"In Michigan." She was kicked in the gut at that. That was another coincidence. Maybe that's what had been bothering her about this file, not just one thing. There were three pretty big coincidences, four when you added them all having B surnames. She needed to shake herself of this thought, otherwise it was going to eat at her. "I'll bring the sister in."

"You aren't her, Merri." She heard in her ear as they broke up. LaSalle doing whatever Pride had just tasked him with, while Merri already knew that she was going to be dealing with the family. She had somewhat just volunteered for that without thinking.

"I know." She nodded, smiling up at Pride as he passed her, she knew she wasn't anyone involved here. It just all felt so familiar. She remembered getting the phone-call that she was about to make. The one that would tell someone that their entire life has been turned upside down. It was a memory she hated, and she was about to give it to someone else.

~o~

 _The smell of church always reminded Brody of school. Sitting in the pews every Sunday, ushered there from her dormitory by teachers who were as fed up of the routine as she'd been. From the age of 5 right through until she was 18 that was a weekly trip. She could almost smell the incense in her sleep. Those teachers had learnt very soon after they started at school that separating the Brody twins was the only way to get through the service without incident. As soon as she walked through the doors to the viewing room her mother stood from the chair and looked at her. "I'm sorry, Meredith."_

 _"I just spoke to her last week, we were making plans for while I was on liberty." That was still three months away, she should have been returning to the_ Moultrie _the day after tomorrow, and then she would have been back aboardship for another few months, other than when she'd be able to take liberty along with the crew. She wouldn't now. That wasn't how this had worked out._

 _"She'd be glad you were here for this." Her mom muttered, and clearly thought that would be comforting. It wasn't comforting, in fact it was the opposite of comforting. It just reminded Meredith that she should have been here, not thousands of miles away. She should have spent more time with Emily the last few years._

 _"Would she? We're at her funeral, mom." Merri argued, still being held by her mother. Obviously the elder Brody knew that letting go at that moment would have been unpleasant for the both of them. The truth was that at this point, Emily Brody was past caring. "I don't think she can be glad of anything now."_

 _Her mother let go and stepped back, clearly sensing that the elder of her twins needed just a few minutes alone with the younger. "I'll leave you with her." She then walked away, leaving the seat beside the casket free for her to speak to. It was awful for her, and she really didn't want to have to do this. While she was sure there was a reason for this, she didn't know if it was at all worth it._

 _"I can't believe you're gone, Em. We were meant to go out, plan our 30th birthday. This was never our plan, was it. You weren't supposed to be the one to go first. That was always going to be me. Remember when you used to say that. Because of my career." That probably would have sounded morbid to anyone who may have been in the room, but it wasn't really. It was just a fact of who she was, and what she'd chosen to do for her career. Right now she wished she could talk over how she was feeling with Emily, but this was probably the closest she could come, and she really missed her sister, probably always would. "I miss you, little sis." She whispered, hearing the door open again and seeing the attendants and the pall bearers standing at the door._

 _"It's time." She looked round to see her father walking toward her. Before she stood up he put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. That was his way of showing her support, and letting her know that today she wasn't alone. She felt like she was alone though, because Emily wasn't there._

 _"I'm ready." She nodded, then stood up again and leant over the peaceful face turned back up at her. "I'll see you again Emily, I promise." She kissed her sister's forehead for the last time and took a deep breath, standing back away from where the attendants started getting it ready for the funeral. The fact that she was never going to see Emily's smile again, or hear her laugh, was only just beginning to settle in on her. She had never thought she'd face this, but she was facing it now, and she'd need to work it out._

~o~

She shook off the memory and picked up her phone, dialing in the number on the contact card for Bryant's sister. Brody was pacing around the bullpen silently as she waited for an answer, she heard a pop and a sharp 'hello' when the call was finally connected, and for a second Brody wondered what she'd accidentally interrupted. "Madeline Bryant?"

"Yes, who is this?" The question sounded a little like an accusation, but that could have been Brody's mind being hyperactive. It wouldn't surprise her if that was the problem, rather than anything that Madeline Bryant had said.

"My name is Special Agent Meredith Brody, I'm calling from the Naval Crime Investigative Service." Keeping her voice level was key, but with the memory of Emily being suddenly so sharp in her mind it was harder to stay focused than usual.

"Is this about El?" The woman asked, clearly already knowing it was. The inflection in her voice, and the note of barely restrained panic was again all too familiar for Brody. She was going to have to keep this together, and that was going to be harder than she would have anticipated.

"Your sister, yes ma'am. Is it possible that you could make it to our offices in New Orleans, or I could come and collect you." She always liked to offer the latter, just in case they couldn't make it, or they didn't know where they were. It was best she did that. She was truly concerned about this case, and how close it was to her heart.

"I'm near the offices now anyway, I'll be there soon." The end of the call came with just three loud clicks, and Brody was completely unsurprised at the speed of the end of the call. She was probably exactly that way the day she'd been told about Emily's accident.

She dropped her phone from her ear and looked around, seeing Pride watching her from his desk. At least that would mean she didn't need to go and search for him to tell him that she had gotten the sister to agree to come. Not that it had taken much. "She's on her way."

"You going to be OK on this?" Pride asked, standing up and looking at her. Maybe her discomfort was showing more in her movements and her general disposition. Otherwise why would he be asking if she was going to be OK. It didn't really matter, but she still wanted to know.

"I'll be fine, thanks King." She was touched that he was as concerned as he was. Maybe she shouldn't have been as surprised as she as, but having people worried about her was still something she was going to have to get used to.

"I'm here if you need me, OK." He shot her the smile he had that was almost certainly made purely designed to make her heart melt. It made her feel a little better that she had someone with her who just really wanted the best for her, and wanted to help protect her, often from herself. "Just shout."

"I will." She confirmed. She'd had more than enough of time where she had been sat alone worrying about things like this. If she needed to talk, she'd definitely be going to him, and she'd be making sure he listened to her stories too. She really needed him to listen, but she was sure that even if she didn't he would anyway, he nearly always did.

"Good." He kissed her temple and held her for another second. She knew that if anyone would be there for her no matter what it would be him. Their personal relationship was still rather new, but in situations like this it was for the best. He knew how she thought, and she was certain he'd know she would be internalising this. The names, the situation, it just all seemed all too similar, and that was making it harder than usual to push Emily aside. This was going to be a hard case.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm glad so many people liked this! I wasn't sure how well it but be received but I needed to write something about Emily Brody, and this seemed like a good story to do. The memory in this chapter is 100% true, something me and L used to do whenever we were in Wales only she was a wuss and never went high. So, there we go. To answer the questions a lot of you asked... It's a mystery. Do you think that the similarities are related? Leave your theories in reviews and I'll address the best ones in my next AN (Icka you don't count =P)  
** **Shin xx**

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All three of them had lapsed into silence after Brody had made her call, they were working on different aspects of any missing persons case, and her part was one of the most important. Of course she was still feeling wrong-footed, ever since reading the particulars of this case she'd been thinking about Emily, and that was making this harder than she expected to focus. She was off in her own world again when she noticed someone walking through the door. "I'm looking for Agent Brody."

"That's your girl." Pride motioned to her, and she had to refrain from shooting him a rude gesture. As she looked up he nodded toward the kitchen, and she knew why that was a good idea, but she still wasn't sure she was happy about that. "I'll be with Christopher." He cut off any challenge she had, and instead just gave up.

"Thanks, King." She muttered sarcastically, hoping that he caught that. Almost instantly she knew that he wouldn't care even if he did catch it. Working the hard evidence with LaSalle was probably the better idea. "I'm Agent Brody, you're Madeline Bryant?" She motioned through to the kitchen, leaving Pride and LaSalle in the bullpen working.

"Yeah, you called about Eloise." Bryant asked as they walked through. It seemed far easier, sometimes, to talk in here, even for the agents. She would pick to talk here if given the choice. So definitely brining witnesses in here was the better idea, and it was probably for the best that she be here too. She could make a drink and focus too.

"Yes ma'am, would you like a coffee?" She asked, motioning toward the coffee pot and smiling. It wasn't the nicest coffee in the universe, but she'd gotten used to it. Sometimes she still wished for the stuff she could get in Michigan, but she was certain that if she drank that, she'd be longing for this stuff again.

"Sure." Bryant nodded, clearly still concerned. She would have been informed even before NCIS of Eloise not showing up at her ship, because they would have called to see if things had gotten mixed up. Meaning there was no need for her to, at least, say those words.

Putting the mugs down on the table, Brody walked round and sat opposite Bryant with a smile, hoping to put the woman at ease. She wasn't sure how well it would work, but it was almost certainly worth a try at the very least. "Have you heard from your sister recently?" Brody tried to put that as pleasantly as she could, tried to make sure it didn't sound like an accusation.

"Not since she headed back to her ship." Bryant muttered after a few sips of her coffee. It seemed she was using the heat of the drink to give her a boost, something else that Brody could understand entirely. She did that too in high pressure situations she would use something in her hands as something she could use to protect herself.

"Is that usual?" She hated that she kept having to press, but all of this was necessary in getting a complete picture of Eloise Bryant, which would help them all search for and find her. That was what they all wanted, she would have thought. So she was fairly confident that Madeline Bryant wasn't lying to her.

"Yes and no. Normally she'd be writing or calling to talk me out of doing something stupid." Seemingly something that all siblings did. At least that seemed to be so. She had heard LaSalle doing the same to both his siblings enough. Though often it was his sister calling him rather than the other way round. "I guessed that she was silent because I wasn't being dangerous this time."

"Right, well-" Brody trailed off and stared at the questions she'd jotted down, not really seeing the paper. That was something that Emily had done too. She'd always tried to talk Merri out of doing stupid things, but she'd rarely succeeded. Emily had tried all her life to stop her from doing dangerous things, and in the end that hadn't actually worked all that much.

~o~

 _The tree was not as high as people had claimed, and most of the way up Meredith could still see Emily stood at the bottom. This wasn't even the tallest tree in the grounds, it was just the only one that Meredith could get access too while she was still in the elementary part of their school. Now she just needed to try and convince her sister to come up here too. "Emmi, come on." She shouted, and even from this height Meredith could see the headshake._

 _"I can't it's too high." Emily shouted, continuing to shake her head. Meredith just laughed a little, and looked out over the school grounds that she could see. It was the first week back after winter break, so it was the best time for climbing the trees._

 _"It's not too high, come on." She tried again, thinking that Emily should really see this sight. It was a great sight, and she loved it. She normally loved the view from the top of trees, and that was why she liked climbing them. The fact that some of the teachers thought there was something wrong with that annoyed her though. There was nothing wrong with it, she just liked climbing trees._

 _"What if I fall?" Emily shouted again after a minute, and Meredith just scoffed a little, causing the branch to shake. She didn't miss Emily jump on the ground, which made it seem like she was worried about Meredith falling too._

 _"What if you don't. It's fun up here." She yelled, wondering if she'd ever manage to convince her twin up this high. She couldn't normally even convince Emily to climb on the bottom branches, let alone anywhere near this high._

 _"Not everyone can climb like you Merri!" Emily yelled, and that was probably true. But Meredith had faith in her sister. If she could climb, then someone who was almost identical to her should be able to. The only difference between them was their eyes, and hardly anyone ever got close enough to notice that._

 _"You could if you tried, we're almost exactly the same." That was something that Emily wouldn't be able to argue with, mostly because she'd been saying something the same a few days earlier when convincing her to pour paint on the driveway at home._

 _"Only you're good at climbing and I'm good at painting." Climbing was as natural to Meredith as anything else was. She liked doing all sorts of things like this, but she didn't think Emily liked most of them._

 _Meredith was a little insulted at that. She liked to think she was good at painting. She knew she wasn't really, but she still liked to pretend, and normally Emily would back her up on that. Not this time though, apparently. "I'm good at painting."_

 _"No, you're not." Emily tried to say quietly, but Meredith knew how her sister's mouth moved when she was disagreeing with her. "But you're good at climbing." She shouted louder, and Meredith just decided to take the praise that was offered._

 _"It's good we're good at different things though." Meredith said, she quite liked that when she was struggling in art she could swap places with Emily and nobody would know she couldn't do it. She was pretty sure that Emily thought the same in P.E. sometimes too._

 _"I guess, come on, it's time for dinner." It was clear that Emily realised the mistake she'd made in that statement almost immediately after she'd spoken as before looking up again she had already begun to shout in horror. "Don't jump Merri!"_

 _She was already midair when Emily said that, and she wasn't at all afraid. She just thought it was fun. She liked to feel the wind in her hair for a moment before she tucked herself into a ball to land. "Too late."_

 _"How do you not break?" Emily asked, looking where Meredith had rolled and was jumping up onto her feet. She loved getting up again after jumping so far, because it made all the other kids afraid of her a little. It was like she was magic, and she was cool with them all thinking that. It meant they'd leave her alone._

 _"Just lucky I guess." She shook her head and laughed. The only times she'd been hurt had been because of Emily, and that had included the broken arm she'd gotten 8 weeks earlier at their 8th birthday party. If she was in control she didn't get hurt. That was just the way it seemed to work for her. It probably would be the same for Emily, but she didn't take chances. Meredith would convince her though, one day._

~o~

Clearly Brody's distraction wasn't as overlooked as she'd hoped, either that or it had been longer that she'd not been talking than she'd realised. Either way she realised Bryant was giving her a strange look and leaning forward. "Agent Brody?" She asked, and Brody had to shake it off. The memory of Emily asking how Meredith was never hurt had just been so strong, and she hadn't been able to stop herself thinking about it. She needed to try and cover it.

"Sorry, yeah." That was the most she was going to say, she scribbled on the PADD away from where anyone could see as if she'd been having some profound thought rather than was just in her own head. She then carried on with her list exactly as she would have done without the break for her thinking. "Do you know of any reason why your sister wouldn't return to her ship?"

"None, she loved the navy, and her ship." That sounded like Emily and her work too. Brody mentally shook herself, telling herself to stop making every connection with Emily she possibly could in this case. She was soon going to start seeing connections that weren't there if she didn't. So she turned her attention back to Bryant. "She was always writing home about the people she met and the things they were doing."

"Did she meet anyone new in the last few months?" That was the next underlined question on her list. She was certain that if there was any hint of foul play then that was going to be a crucial question. Bryant seemed to have to think that question over more than the last few had been needed.

"No, she did mention planning on going back home for a wedding of someone from her class at college." That was another similarity. Emily had been driving home for a wedding when she'd been in her accident. That was a weird coincidence, and probably another imagined connection in Brody's mind. Emily's death had been open and shut. The other car had still been there. "I didn't think there was anyone from college we didn't both know, but I couldn't be sure."

"Remember the names?" She asked, wanting to focus on the job and try to stop these memories from taking her over. Though that did seem to be the way things were going right now. Was she going to spend this entire case fighting off the memories of her not-so-little sister, because if so she was going to have to fortify her defences. Trailing off in the middle of an interview with a witness or family member was not the best of impressions to give, and she'd need to make sure she didn't do that again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Some good guesses of what's going on in the reviews. Any other gusses and plans about what we're going to do? Any more?  
Shin xx**

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Brody had gone over every possible question she could think of with Madeline Bryant, then let the woman leave with a promise that if there was any help she could give, or any information about her sister, that she'd call. She'd then sat making sure that Sonja Percy could use their systems, and setting her to search for any use of Eloise Bryant's ID anywhere.

Nothing happened, and eventually Pride had told them all to go home. She had waited until there was nobody else there, then she'd gone and gotten her bag, following Pride upstairs and making herself comfortable as she normally did. It was only as they were both in bed that she voiced the thought she'd been having since Bryant had left. "King, do you think you could do me a favour?"

"What is it?" He looked down at her from where he was sat reading a memo of some sort. This was how their relationship, at this point, had gone. She slept better with him, and he'd read what he needed to then would curl up with her. Depending on the day she'd wake up and they'd have some time together, more often than not they'd just sleep. But they were at the point where she didn't feel bad asking him for help.

"Do you think you could get the report into Emily's case?" This might be too much, but she wasn't going to lose anything just from asking. Maybe he'd take pity on her and do what he could. That was probably the more important thing. Right now, she wasn't counting out the fact that her psyche was just testing the both of them.

"That was 8 years ago, Merri." He sighed and stretched, but he hadn't said no, maybe if she could explain it, tell him that something was making her think that she really needed to read the report, even though it probably wasn't going to tell her anything new.

"I know." She was never going to forget that, but it was also why she couldn't just send a family information request. It would take months to get the file that way. If Pride requested the file, they'd dig it up far faster. "Which is why I can't just request it." He studied her face, and she was certain he saw something in it that told him this wasn't a simple request.

"What's bugging you?" He asked quietly and she sat up. She was too het up to sleep anyway, and talking about this while laid down wasn't something she wanted to do. She felt his hand go to her bare back and she was thankful that he was going to wait and let her tell him in her own time.

She had to try and think exactly what it was that had gotten to her, what it was that had made her think that looking at Emily's case again would make her feel better, more confident. She didn't have to think long before she remembered the wedding, Eloise Bryant heading back to Michigan. "Something Madeline Bryant said." She started, then trailed off again. This was going to sound nuts.

"Speak." Pride said after a minute, pulling her back gently so she was leant against his chest. She hadn't even realised that was where she needed to be until that moment. She needed to think of a way to say this that wasn't going to sound nutty.

"She said her sister was planning on going back to Michigan for a wedding." The names were written down on an evidence form somewhere downstairs. She hasn't memorised them, and she probably wouldn't. But it was weird right now for her to be thinking.

"What's unusual about that?" He asked, and Brody had to admit it wasn't unusual in and of itself. People got married every day, people also died every day. It was just the memory, it was hitting her so strongly, and she couldn't seem to shake it.

"Emily was on her way to a wedding." She trailed off and shook her head, resting against Pride's chest and trying desperately not to think about what had happened to her sister. She didn't really want to have to face it, she didn't want to see the investigation there in black and white, but she also knew that, at this point, she needed to face it.

~o~

 _Walking through the food court at the mall Meredith felt like she was in high school again, especially as she got to tease Emily about something she was planning to do that Meredith wasn't able to help with. It was something that had always been part of their sibling relationship, and it didn't seem to matter that living on opposite sides of the city didn't stop that. The fact that Emily's latest trip would mean returning to Michigan was probably a bigger surprise. "So you're going home?"_

 _"Yeah, I was invited to a wedding." Emily rolled her eyes at Meredith's scandalised look. That was something else that they had always done. If one had been invited to something the other hadn't they both refused to go. For a wedding though, Meredith supposed she could let the rule slide. "A couple from my art history class."_

 _"Urgh." She grumbled. She'd never understood how Emily had been happy studying things like that. Meredith had just doodled through most history classes, and only got the good grades because Emily had taken fastidious notes that she'd then let her sister copy. Like any good sibling would. Good siblings didn't let their sibling fail a class._

 _"That was your reaction when I started taking that class." Emily grumbled, and Meredith just laughed louder. She was really enjoying being able to do all this, and it was hilarious that Emily was getting as annoyed as she was._

 _"Well. Can you blame me?" She asked, pulling a face again. She'd never particularly liked any history, though international history had been bloody and full of wars, so that had kept her more interested than most other history courses. She also didn't mind reading about Ireland, they had to keep touch with their roots somehow._

 _Emily rolled her blue eyes again and shook her head, her long hair swishing as she did. Meredith couldn't remember when she'd last worn her hair long. At least if she was ever curious she could just look at Emily. The competition about their majors had been going on since they were 18, apparently 11 years didn't stop that. "Your major was Criminal Justice, mine was art. Funnily enough that required art history." Meredith just blew a raspberry at her, hoping that that would display how much she cared about Emily's opinion on her major. "That's a grown up response, Merri."_

 _"When is this wedding?" She decided to reroute the conversation back to the reason Emily was actually returning to Michigan. While they were both on relatively good terms with their parents. It wasn't like they were close, and the two girls always felt like it was the two of them against the universe. So neither had returned to their home state since they'd left. Emily when she got an artists job in San Francisco, Meredith when NCIS had needed to move an interrogator. They'd both moved around, occasionally settling in the same city, but Michigan had been somewhere neither had gone._

 _"In the middle of your tour on the_ Moultrie _." Well, that was shockingly normal timing. Of course it would be when she was busy and wouldn't be able to use her vacation days to go up there and make sure that Emily wasn't totally cornered by home. Clearly Emily was thinking along the same lines. "So you don't get to come as my plus one."_

 _"Boo. Oh well." She shrugged. She should have guessed that's when the wedding would be arranged for when she couldn't go. It was as if the universe was conspiring against her, to deprive her of cake. "You best send me all the pictures. Mostly so I can learn who the hell these people are."_

 _"Alright then." Emily smirked, clearly deciding that it wasn't worth arguing about how she wasn't good at taking pictures. That had always been Merri's thing. She didn't get as much reason too, but she knew that Emily was about to give her a reason to take as many photos as she possible could, and Meredith was happy about that. "I hope you do the same from the ship. You always loved boats."_

 _"And you always got seasick." She laughed loudly, remembered Emily throwing up over the front of the boat the first time their father had thought to teach his girls to sail. Emily had not taken to water, and Meredith didn't think she'd been on a boat since. She, on the other hand, had fallen in love with it, and if she could live on a boat and not worry about anything, she'd actually be really happy. The mental image of thirteen-year-old Emily being seasick was making Meredith laugh far too much. "I probably shouldn't be so amused by that."_

 _"What's it like to be working for NCIS?" Emily asked, and that was a far harder to answer than Meredith would have thought. It wasn't as if it was simple for anyone else to answer what it was like to do their job, but half of what Meredith had done was classified, and she couldn't say anyway._

 _"Tiring, it never ends. I love it though." She really did love it. She had listened to Emily talk about her career and how much she loved what she was doing, but this was the first time Meredith had gotten to talk about her career, and what she loved about her job and the things she got to do now. "I get to help people and not many people get to say that all the time." She really loved that she helped_

 _"I'm glad you're happy Merri, you deserve it. Especially with James." For a long time, James had been a sticking point between them. Emily hadn't initially liked James, then they'd all gone camping, and they'd gotten to know each other more. Now they were thick as thieves, and that was definitely something that made Meredith happy. The two most important people in her life got along now. They both picked that moment to look at their watches, and realise that their time was up. "So, I'll see you when you get liberty?"_

 _"Definitely, we're gonna be thirty in 9 months, we need a big party." She was determined about that. They were going to have a blowout, and it would be completely worth it. Maybe they could even find someone for Emily to finally settle down with._

 _Emily just laughed and stood up to leave, that was the best reaction Meredith could have hoped for in that situation. Reminding her sister of her dreaded 3-0 was not always the best plan. "For sure." She shouted back, and Meredith just grinned even wider as she watched her sister turn back and wave. She needed to leave for the ship, but she'd soon be back, and then they could plan._

~o~

Pride, it seemed, hadn't noticed how deep into the memory she was. It was just hard to stop now she was thinking about it. Thinking about things she hadn't thought about in years. She probably hadn't thought about most of this since Emily had actually died. "She was going to a wedding? Why weren't you going?" That was another fair question, and not one she looked forward to answering. But Pride knew what had happened, and so she wouldn't need to hide it for him.

"I was on the _Moultrie_ , so it wasn't possible for me to go." The truth was, even though she hadn't known the bride and groom, she would have definitely gone with Emily, and she likely would have been hurt or killed in the same accident. Of course then there was the bombing. What would have happened if she hadn't been on the _Moultrie_. Now wasn't the time for those doubts. "If it was, I'd probably have been in the car too."

"So why do you want the file?" Pride rubbed her arms, and she slowly slid back under the sheets, finding it a little too chilly all of a sudden. She had to consider his question, as it was going to be one that made her seem like she was nuts when she said it. There was just no easy way for her to explain what was on her mind.

"It's just... I have a feeling." That was the most she could say. She knew that all people in their profession had had them about some cases. They had just instinctively known that something was connected when, really, it didn't look like it should be connected at all. That was her and Emily's case. It didn't matter that they didn't yet know what had happened to Eloise, there was a connection.

"A feeling?" Pride asked, and rather than looking at her like she was nuts he was just looking at her as though she was a professional. Brody was once again thankful that Pride was her boss, and not one of the many others who could have been if she'd stayed in one of her other positions.

She still had to explain the feeling though, and that was going to be harder than she would normally have anticipated. She had a lot that she could say, but none of it sounded very professional. "Yeah you know one of those deep in your gut feelings that it's going to be important. I just, I feel it."

"Alright, I'll request the file." He looked down at her again and slowly ran his fingers through her short hair. She loved when he did that, as it was one of the most caring gestures she could imagine for him. "This case has really gotten to you, hasn't it?"

"It's just made me think of Emily, and nothing has done that for a while." She hadn't really thought much about Emily since she'd given Chris her necklace. That had been almost a month ago. She just wasn't sure how this was all going to be connected, and all she was really learning from all of this was that she still really missed her sister. "I miss her King."

"I know." He slipped down and wrapped his arms around her. Clearly the fact that she was actually speaking about Emily was enough to let him know how much this had shaken her. There were just so many similarities, and she didn't understand how that was possible. It seemed like such an odd confluence of events, but it had happened. Now she was going to have to get used to it, and maybe reading Emily's file would help her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this one has been so sporadic folks. I'm desperately trying to finish a fic to post after this one. I have so many WIPs and none of them finished. Ooops.  
Shin xx**

* * *

She came down the inner stairs not really caring about how that was going to look. She was pretty sure by this point that their colleagues knew what was going on on the nights she stayed here, and that was not that she was asleep on one of the sofas. She'd tried that excuse once and neither of them had bought it. So now it was just easier for her to not pretend. "You spend the night here again last night?" LaSalle asked as she made it to the bottom of the stairs and she just walked straight passed him.

"Shut up LaSalle." Was eventually the only words she felt like she needed to say. They would signify that she just wasn't really in the mood to be dealing with him, and she was so rarely in the mood these days. If he wasn't making bad jokes on her behalf, he was doing ridiculous things that she wasn't dealing with well for the moment.

"Not in the mood today?" He asked, and she was glad that he noticed. Today it was all stress, and she was sure in a few days she would be over it and would accept his teasing again, but right now she wasn't really in the mood for him to be teasing her. She doubted he'd really care all that much no matter what she did though.

"No. What did you learn about Emil-Eloise yesterday?" She asked trying to gloss over her mishap with the name, he hadn't made it back in time to present his evidence, so no doubt he had just gone home and wrote up his report as they all tended to do if they stayed on a call too late to really go back to the office after. It happened to all of them from time to time, she was well aware of that, as she'd done it more than once.

"Did you just call her Emily?" LaSalle hadn't missed her mishap with the name, and that was exactly what she'd needed, not. She didn't need him to sit and tease her, which is no doubt what he'd end up doing after that happened. He knew about Emily, of course, but she wasn't sure how much he knew about the circumstances about her losing him.

"Christopher." Pride stopped her from beating him by coming in from the kitchen with Percy at just the right moment. Clearly he was as curious as she was, but she knew that LaSalle would see that as a rebuke, and since that was clearly what it was that was probably not unsurprising. "What did you learn?"

"She was a model officer, never even so much as been late for a shift before." Something else Brody had heard before. People speaking at Emily's funeral about her never arriving late, and often working later than anyone else. She loved her job. She felt Pride's hand gently touch her back as he passed her, and she took a moment of comfort from that and centred herself again. "That's why they came straight to us."

"They made the right choice." Pride replied, and Brody agreed. If they were only getting this now it would be that much harder for them all, and they'd be 24 hours behind on the search.

"What about you, Percy?" She asked, remembering that they'd given the newest member of their team some work to do too. They were all still adjusting to Sonja Percy's presence, but it was clearly working well for them, in general. Just including her in these fast moving thinking sessions was harder on all of them than expected. Was this what it had been like for Pride and LaSalle when she'd arrived.

"There's been no activity on her cards since three days before she went missing, I've a BOLO out all the way up to Michigan but as her cards haven't been touched even with a full tank of gas she couldn't have gotten that far." Percy rambled off, and that was something the two men both nodded at, clearly agreeing with her. That just wasn't good enough for Brody. How could anyone just accept that as being enough, there was a missing girl.

"We should be doing more." She started, pacing around the room as if she could pull a plan out of thin air. It was worth a try, surely. Anything was better than being passive. "It's all well and good that we have the BOLO out but what about looking closer to home. What about looking around the city, or questioning any friends who might have helped her."

"There is nothing else we can do, Merri. Take a break." Pride's voice left not a single inch of wiggle room, but she wasn't in the mood, and she didn't need a break. She needed help finding whether or not Eloise Bryant could still be alive. She needed to know something for sure.

"I don't need a break." She argued, because she really didn't, at that moment both Percy and LaSalle walked away, through into the kitchen. Maybe they were all noticing the stress this case had put her under, but she really wasn't sure what to think about them leaving.

"Shh. That wasn't a request." He tried to placate her, but she was already ramped up, it was never easy to head her off when she was in this kind of a mood, but given that she was at work, and this was nothing about them personally, she should probably have thought something through a little more than she had.

"King!" She shouted, and the look on his face told him how little he was impressed by that. Not that she would blame him.

"Now." He pointed toward the conference room upstairs, and she felt a little like she was being ordered into a time out. She was an adult, and a federal agent, but the shitfit that she'd apparently thrown was getting her put in a time out. She just didn't want to see them doing too little. Eloise Bryant deserved more than that.

~o~

 _Meredith was not enjoying doing this assignment for class. She hated homework, and she was always left up late thinking about things she should be doing. She would do the assignment the night before it was due, then she'd worry about it all night and suggest various edits long after the others had gone to sleep. "You know maybe I should-"_

 _"Shh!" She heard in the dark, and that was when she realised that the sound was coming from the bed next to hers. You knew it was early in the semester as their beds hadn't been pushed together yet. That seemed to happen no matter what._

 _"Don't Shh me!" Meredith replied, rolling her eyes. While Emily probably had a point that they shouldn't be loud, she still wasn't happy about being shh-ed, especially when she was making it her mission to freak out about something she knew she'd probably get top marks on anyway. She always did. That didn't stop her worrying._

 _"Shh!" Was repeated, and in her mind Meredith could see Emily laid with her finger on her lips smirking. This was the game they played, and she knew this wouldn't end until she responded at least once in kind._

 _"Emily." She tried, but knew that all that would actually do would be to encourage her sister to keep going. Emily had always enjoyed this game, but she also didn't worry about getting top marks the way Meredith did, so this was probably just a game to her._

 _Sure enough, just a second or two after Meredith had chastised her sister there came another hiss and the giggle that went along with it. "Shh!"_

 _"What are you doing?" She asked, having to suppress her own giggles now. She loved hearing Emily giggling like that, as it meant her twin was happy, and there was nothing Meredith wanted more in the whole world than Emily being happy._

 _"Telling you to Shh!" Emily replied, probably a little louder than she should have done, but Meredith was beyond caring at this point as she gave in to the game, and she knew how much this was going to make Emily laugh._

 _"Shh!" She hissed forcefully, then choked a little bit laughing as she sucked back her own saliva, totally classy, as she always was._

 _"Shh!" Emily replied, now full on laughing rather than just their almost silent giggling._

 _"I'll make you both Shh in a minute." Came the mumbled threat from the bunkbed that ran across the top of their beds. Meredith looked over at Emily and grinned in the dark noticing that her twin was as amused by Carolyn's threat as she was._

 _"Sorry Carolyn." They said in complete unison, then giggled looking at one another from the neighbouring beds. Clearly their roommate was less impressed by their silly game. It wouldn't stop them doing it again at a later date, Meredith was sure of that, but she was happy that Emily was back in the mood that winding her up was better than being down in the dumps about a stupid boy._

~o~

She was storming around the conference room a few minutes later when Pride came back in and looked at her, watching her as she kept pacing, he started at a much slower pace on the opposite side of the table. "You're getting too involved in this." He told her in no uncertain terms.

"I'm not too involved. We need to find Emily!" She growled. That was the long and short of this, they needed to find her, and bring her home. That was all she wanted to do.

"Eloise, Merri." He said quietly, stopping and looking at her. She just looked back at him with a mixture of confusion and annoyance on her face. She didn't need to be reminded of the missing girls' name, and she knew exactly who they needed to find. Unlike everyone here she knew how her sister would feel if they didn't find her. "We need to find Eloise." He pressed again, and she just groaned.

"That's what I said." She snapped when he hadn't said anything for a little while, and she needed to think about why he was reminding her of the girls' name.

"No, you said Emily." He contradicted her, and she rolled her eyes. That was until she realised she didn't actually remember what she'd said, and Emily was on her mind. She kept remembering little snippets of their lives, and it was beginning to bother her. Not because she was remembering Emily, because it was distracting her from the job she was supposed to be doing.

"I didn't, did I?" She asked, and slowly started going back over the conversation, realising that he was right. She had said Emily. "I did. Dwayne I just can't let someone else lose their sister." That was the long and short of it. She didn't want anyone else to have to go through what she'd been through over the last few years. She wanted to save Madeline having to sit there at her sister's funeral. She would do all in her power to make sure such an event didn't happen any time soon. "You have no idea how hard it is, I think about Emily every day."

"I don't know how hard it is, but I've seen you dealing with it and that is enough." At least he admitted he didn't know about it. She couldn't really think about losing her sister in any really objective manner, and maybe she was obsessing over this a little much but she hated that she couldn't do much. Pride put his hands on top of hers and smiled looking at her. "Take a step back and get your head together."

"King." She started, not really sure what she was going to say that could convince him she didn't need the break, but she was ready to try. The look he gave her made it quite plain that she wasn't going to get away with it no matter what she said, and she decided that she wasn't going to get into a fight with him on this.

"Stay here for a half an hour, then come back to work." That seemed like good advice but for some reason she was still being stubborn about it. She just didn't want to be out of the loop for that long, and he would make sure she was out of the loop.

"Fine." She pouted, knowing that he wasn't going to let her come back if she didn't do as he said. Maybe he had a point about her getting too close to the case too, she didn't really have to be as involved as she was, yet she was involved and she was pushing more and more for finding her. She needed to stop seeing the similarities, but right now she just couldn't.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I've been staying at the Christie with my sister after her BMT. She was very sick for a while, so now she's getting better I have time to update again. We're about halfway through this one now, enjoy!  
Shin x**

* * *

The morning had been full of them all searching. Once Brody had calmed down again and centred herself she'd been allowed back in the Bullpen to resume work. She could feel Pride's eyes on her every so often when he was meant to be working. She knew he was concerned she was taking this case too personally. He'd been there with Baitfish, and she knew that he understood how grief worked. She was just about to call Eloise's bank when LaSalle walked in. "I got a call from a morgue out near Baton Rouge."

"Yeah?" She asked, already sure what he was going to say. She really should have mentally prepared herself for this, and as the nominated family liaison agent she was going to have to be the one who told Madeline that she'd lost her sister. It would be devastating, and she wasn't sure if she could do it.

"They have a Jane Doe matching our BOLO." LaSalle confirmed what she'd thought. They had someone matching the alert, and the likelihood was that it _was_ their missing sailor. Brody knew the statistics, she'd known all along. That hadn't stopped her hoping for the best though. "They're faxing a picture."

"How longs she been there?" Brody asked, just wondering if she could count out Eloise on timeline. It had been five days. That was it. If the missing was there longer than that it couldn't possibly be Eloise. King looked at her and she knew that she was reaching, but she didn't care.

LaSalle was reading the notes he'd taken on the call, time since discovery was a normal thing to ask for on a call, so she was certain that he would have it somewhere. After another few seconds he looked up and caught her eyes before he looked at Pride and Percy. "Four days." There was a hint of an apology in his voice, and she wondered if he was apologising to her.

"That matches with the time the sister last saw her." Percy said, reading through her own copy of Brody's notes from her interview with Madeline the day before. She hated that all the signs were pointing toward her giving a call that she didn't want to have to make. She really didn't want to have to make that call.

"Are we jumping to this being her?" She asked, looking around. Percy and Pride both looked at her as if she was nuts for even suggesting that it might not be her. There was a distinct possibility it wasn't her. There were millions of people it could be. Maybe now she was being hopeful in the wrong way.

"It's logical, isn't it?" Percy replied after a few seconds of total silence while the four agents all thought over the facts of the case. She wasn't really sure what to think about it, but she just hoped that the worst wasn't confirmed.

"I don't know, is it?" She asked, thinking seriously about this. It wasn't necessarily logical for them to be jumping to that conclusion before they'd gotten the picture of the Jane Doe in Baton Rouge. She hoped that it wasn't Eloise, but she probably needed to prepare herself for if it was.

"Well, we don't know exactly where she was going, or what she was doing." Pride conceded, and that felt like a little bit of a win for her. He wasn't still as focused on the face that it was probably their missing person. Then again, he could have been hypothesising for her. "We don't know for certain if she would have tried driving. It's easier to fly."

"But not everyone likes to fly." She muttered, remembering another conversation she'd had about that, many years earlier. The last time she and Emily had spoken. She'd been on a phone in Virginia, Emily had been in San Francisco, and they'd had to talk while she was in port.

~o~

 _There was some things Meredith couldn't quite believe she was hearing again. This conversation had seemed like something they'd had a few times. Normally when Emily decided she was driving to wherever Meredith was stationed. It never changed, and Meredith hadn't been able to change Emily's mind yet. "You're driving?"_

 _"Yeah." Emily replied with a smile. She could tell just from her inflection. Emily thought Meredith was nuts, and Meredith certainly thought that Emily was nuts. She couldn't sit in a car for that long. Even with a break midway. Meredith couldn't really believe she was driving._

 _"To Michigan?" She clarified, just wondering if maybe the wedding was actually somewhere nearer California, like in Nevada or New Mexico. Still long drives, but not as long as they could be._

 _"Yes, Meredith." Emily's sarcasm would have surprised Meredith, if this wasn't the hundredth time they were having this conversation._

 _"From California?" She wondered maybe if secretly Emily had moved to another state. It wasn't beyond the realm of possibility. Sometimes they only remembered they needed to tell the other they'd moved in situations like that._

 _"Is that so hard to understand?" Emily asked, and Meredith just looked around for someone to pull a face at, but nobody even looked twice at her._

 _"It's more than half the continent!" Meredith exclaimed, and the sailors all around her jumped a little at the sudden noise. She needed to make a conscious effort to be a little quieter net time she needed to shout at her sister. That wouldn't really happen. "It would be easier to fly."_

 _"Yeah, but I don't like to fly." That seemed, on the surface to be perfectly reasonable. But that's to people who weren't a Brody, or at least, who weren't one of the Brody Twins._

 _Meredith scoffed a little, remembering how seasick Emily had always gotten when they went out on the boat when they were kids. She didn't like being off land, it seemed, and Meredith just couldn't understand. "Or sail. Emily seriously?"_

 _"I like that you're this worried about me from the middle of the ocean." That comment amused Meredith as she looked around. Did Emily seriously think she was on the ship right now. She wouldn't be allowed to use her cell phone if she was._

 _"I'm in port at Virginia." She loved these occasional landfalls. She was still meant to be on the_ Moultrie _for a few months, but she was already slightly missing dry land. Though she also loved being out at sea too. She was fairly certain that was something Emily would never understand. She would be needed back on board very soon though. "For another few minutes at least."_

 _"It'll be fine Merri, I know a couple good motels now from visiting mom and dad, and you." Again with her enjoyment of driving across the entire continent just to visit her family. It was so typically Emily. That wasn't going to stop her worrying at all. "I can do the whole trip in less than 2 days."_

 _"I'll pay your airfare for you, cheapskate." She was certain now it was actually that Emily couldn't afford the airfare. She knew being an artist didn't bring in the most money, nor did working as a barista, so Brody didn't mind offering to pay for her sister to fly if she wanted to not waste two days driving a couple thousand miles._

 _"I want to drive. It gives me plenty of inspiration." That was the artist in Emily, and Meredith realised how much she loved that part of her sister really. She did love that something as simple as driving across the country could inspire her._

 _"Alright then, the deal is you call me on each rest stop." That was a deal Merri made her make when she was just driving through California. It was the only way she could be certain that her sister was safe. "Otherwise I will call a few friends and have you arrested."_

 _Emily sighed and Meredith saw her rolling her eyes in her mind. It wasn't hard to imagine knowing her sister the way she did. "You'll be at sea." Maybe that was a good point. She would be, and her cell reception would basically be zero. She still wanted Emily to call, if just so she could check when the ship was in port._

 _"Then leave a voicemail." She said, and wondered how her sister would like that proposal, she'd probably think it stupid. Meredith didn't really care though. She would care more if she didn't do this and something happened._

 _"You worry too much." Emily hadn't seen Meredith really worrying, and she hated that she panicked so much about her sister. In her job she just saw way too much of the bad in the world and she wanted to protect her sister. At least it seemed Emily was giving in. "Fine. I'll see you when you get liberty. Love you, crazy sis."_

 _"You too. I gotta go." She looked as the few crew who had been enjoying their last few minutes on land started moving back to the ship, indicating it was time to go, so she started moving in that direction, hearing the crackling on her phone as she did._

 _"Bye." Emily rang off with as she always did, and Meredith just walked away laughing. Only Emily would drive across more than half the country for the wedding of people she hadn't seen in seven years. Meredith always worried when she decided she was going to do that, but that didn't convince the slightly younger Brody to fly._

~o~

It seemed like she was lost in her own thoughts for long enough for it to become obvious to the others in the room. "Brody." LaSalle said, clearly expecting her opinion on something, but she didn't had a single clue about what had been said to her. She couldn't give an opinion about something she didn't understand.

"Sorry." She just apologised rather than dragging it out and asking them to explain again. She just accepted that she wasn't going to know, and nobody in the room seemed to be that angry with her for it. "We're waiting on the photo then?" She looked around, hoping that she hadn't missed that.

"No, it's here, just arrived." LaSalle called from where his computer sounded. Their system digitising the photo on automatic. He put the picture up on the screen. It was covered in abrasions, and it was obvious that she had been through some sort of traumatic incident. The one thing that was certain was that they were looking at the body of Eloise Bryant.

"That looks pretty positive for me." Percy said, in her typically blunt manner. Brody was actually a little comforted by the fact she could always depend on Percy being blunt with her delivery. Even she had to agree that there was no more hope. She wished that wasn't the case but it was, and she hated that.

"I'll call Loretta, get her to make arrangements to have the body transferred here." They were going to need to know exactly what had happened to Eloise so they could close the case. That was the only way that this would work. She looked at Pride as he looked between the three of them, deciding who to send where. "LaSalle, you take Percy and inform her CO."

"Sure thing King." LaSalle said, looking between the other agents in the room then motioning for Percy to follow him. Brody had been involved in notifying the COs and crewmates of victims before, and it was almost as devastating as telling the family. Much like their little unit, the crews of ships became a family too.

Pride came up to her and spoke a little more quietly, meaning he maybe knew why she was so out-of-sorts. She had told him enough last night that he'd probably get it. "You need to call the sister, get her in here." He was telling her something she already knew, but she didn't blame him entirely. She had been a little out of it.

"Yeah, I do." She nodded, squeezing his arm before turning back to her desk to take the phone and see if Madeline could make it to the office. They were going to have to ask even more invasive questions now, and that was an unpleasant prospect. At least Pride would be there for that.

"Merri." Pride asked, clearly realising that she wasn't quite all there. She wasn't sure why she was still thinking so much about Emily. This wasn't all that like her, and the situation seemed to be completely different. But something just kept pulling her back. But there was no reason to worry Pride more than she already had.

"Yeah?" She tried to reply with a little more light than she was feeling. Brody hated this, and she hated feeling out of sorts, but that didn't seem to be stopping, and she didn't seem to be having any luck with anything right now.

"You OK?" Pride's worry was what made her look at him, and she hoped he saw that she was determined. Because she was determined. She was going to get this sorted.

"I'm fine, King. Let's just figure out why she did this." They had no information yet, no reason that she would think there was something she needed to figure out, yet she was going to investigate. She just wasn't sure that this was what it seemed on the surface. Maybe it was the similarities, or maybe it was something that was stuck in her mind. She just wasn't sure what she could do. She knew that this wasn't going to be something easy to work through. She wanted to know what happened.


	6. Chapter 6

**So, yeah I forgot to update. I'll be honest about it. So here we go.  
Shin xx**

* * *

She had desperately hoped that she wasn't going to have to have this conversation with Madeline Bryant, but apparently she was. She had handed her the picture from the morgue in Baton Rouge and sat down again, there just weren't the words to share in this situation, not really. She knew that from experience, yet she still found herself sharing the same platitudes she would give anyone. "I'm so sorry Miss Bryant."

"Do you know what happened?" Bryant asked, looking between Brody and Pride who had both sat opposite her. That was always the first question that was asked and she wasn't surprised for some reason that it was here. She hated that they had so few answers right now. It was the worst part of this.

"Not yet, no." Pride saved her the trouble, and she smiled at him gently, thanking him for taking that answer for her. She'd get over that quickly, she had to, she couldn't keep passing on the difficult questions. That wasn't who she was.

"Can I have some water?" Bryant asked, still looking off into the distance. The two agents looked between each other, and it was hard for Brody to not empathise with their young guest. She had been there. Getting the news, sitting with the XO of the _Moultrie_ trying to stay professional.

"I'll get it." Pride clearly noticed that both the women in the room were flitting in and out of memories that didn't include him. He stood up and ducked out of the room and she knew he'd go slowly, letting Bryant open up if she needed to.

"What will I do now?" She was still looking at the picture of her sister, but Brody knew she wasn't really seeing it. She was seeing beyond it, and no doubt picturing Eloise the last time she'd seen her. Alive and healthy. That was how Brody chose to see Emily. Not how she'd seen her in those last moments before the funeral.

"Believe me, I know how you feel." She commented, looking at Bryant and hoping that she could say something that made her feel even a little bit less alone. It probably wasn't likely, but it was what she could try to do. If that was all she could do then she could accept that.

"How could you?" Bryant looked up at her as the first tears started to fall. Brody had to bite down on her own emotions to be able to answer that question fairly. "How could you possibly know how I feel right now?" Their guest asked before Brody could say even a single word.

"I know." She felt her lip tremble, and she bit down on her own emotions as she'd learnt to do the dozen or so times she'd had to go through questioning, mostly during the two _Moultrie_ investigations. Though during the first she hadn't admitted exactly why she'd hesitated. Nobody had cared then. That had been almost 8 years ago. "My twin sister died almost 8 years ago."

That seemed to have gotten Bryant's attention. She looked up and Brody and clearly realised that she actually did know the emotions that went along with her situation. Bryant leant forward a little, clearly wondering how similar the situations actually were. The same as Brody was. "Were you close?"

"The closest." She admitted. Emily had known everything about Merri. Even things she shouldn't have known. Brody had never spoken about her classified work, but it didn't seem to matter, Emily had known anyway. She'd never figured out exactly how. She had also known everything about Emily though. It had been the best and worst of all situations.

"Have you ever gotten over it?" Bryant asked, plainly wondering about how it might go for her. Brody wanted it to be clear that it was possible, but she also didn't want to lie to their witness, the one who had suffered one of the worst losses anyone could. So she thought, seriously, about Emily's death, and realised that she wasn't over it.

"No." She said honestly. She could think about her sister without pain, she could imagine life without her. But most days she was waiting for Emily's call, or she was thinking about something Emily would laugh at. She remembered they'd had a conversation about what Emily would do without her once. That had been such an odd conversation.

~o~

 _What got into Meredith's head this afternoon she didn't know only she had a very rare afternoon off and for the first time in months she and Emily were in the same city. Emily had come for an art show and Meredith had offered up her sofa, as she always did. It was nice to have someone there, given that James was back in the UK for work. This afternoon though she'd been reading one of her reports and it popped into her head that she should ask if Emily had thought what she'd do if Meredith died on a case."Hey, Em."_

 _"What?" Emily replied, putting her brushes down and turning away, clearly knowing that whatever this conversation was, it was going to distract her from painting. She was probably right._

 _"You know how I'm a Federal Agent?" That was a_ great _way to start this conversation. Meredith mentally kicked herself, but in some ways it was the only way she could have started this conversation. It simply wasn't the kind of thing that started naturally._

 _"Yeah." Now Emily knew this wasn't going to be the kind of conversation she enjoyed, and her reaction to that was plain in her response. It was a resigned sigh that reminded Meredith that Emily didn't live a life surrounded by death. This was still a valid topic of conversation though._

 _"Have you ever thought of what you'd do if I was killed in the line?" She was so gonna get her ass kicked. She knew that was going through Emily's mind as Meredith looked at her and clearly tried not to laugh. This was a serious moment._

 _Emily just stared at her for a few seconds as though she was losing what was left of her mind. There was a distinct possibility that that wasn't all that far off. "Meredith what in the name of all that is holy is going through your mind?" A valid question too, but that was one that Meredith couldn't answer. She never understood why sometimes her brain was full of these self destructive thoughts._

 _"No seriously, you know that we have a high risk level. What would you do?" Meredith had accepted the level of risk when she'd signed up to the Academy, and again when she'd become an agent. These thoughts didn't go through her mind often, but just often enough that she liked to talk about them when they did. Emily, clearly, never thought about it._

 _"I don't know, I've never really thought about it." She shrugged, looking back at Meredith with the kind of look she normally reserved for when one of the juniors in school had asked her a stupid question. Was that how she was viewing this, as a stupid question._

 _"I'm just wondering, as its most likely I'm gonna die first." She made sure her tone was more serious this time, because it was a perfectly valid question and something she really would like to have answered. She wanted to know her sister would be OK._

 _"You are really cheery today." Emily teased, looking at Meredith and shaking her head. That was it, the moment that Meredith's mood broke and she just laughed at the morbidity she'd been displaying._

 _"I know right." She laughed, shaking her head. This was definitely the sign that she'd been cooped up for far too long. She'd needed the day off._

 _Emily, again, looked at Meredith as if she was losing her marbles and then just sighed. Clearly realising at least part of the problem. "You need to get drunk, or laid, or both. How long is James in London?"_

 _"Manchester, and another four weeks." She had spent far too long counting that down in the fortnight since he'd left. She was looking forward to him coming home. "I can't wait for him to get home."_

 _"Do you bug him with morbid questions?" Oh if only Emily knew. Half of their dinner conversations were trying to one-up each other in the stakes of 'most disgusting body dump' or similar. They loved competing with things like that. It was almost a sport._

 _"We bug each other, he's a photojournalist." Maybe that was part of why they got along, they had a certain morbid curiosity and they liked to ask each other about it, a lot. That wasn't going to stop her asking Emily. She could live without James, she wasn't sure she could live without Emily. "He might actually have a shorter life expectancy than me."_

 _"Can I reject the premise of the question and go back to painting now?" Emily's tone left no real wiggle room, and it was clear she wasn't going to be answering any more of Meredith's morbid questions. So instead of pressing the point she just shrugged and grunted. Which Emily clearly took to be a win."Good." She said, and all that Meredith could do was laugh. Of course Emily wouldn't answer that question, she'd been stupid to even ask it. It didn't matter anyway, neither of them was going to need to learn to live without the other, of that Meredith was certain._

~o~

Bryant just watched Brody for a few minutes. Enough time that Pride was sitting down again when she spoke, still looking straight at Brody. "That was honest."

"I only lie when I have to." That was the truth too. She hated lying, and she didn't really see the point. Especially not in a situation like this. Lying would get them nothing, and she didn't have to lie to make a connection. All she needed to do was let Bryant know that she may never get over this.

"Here." Pride moved the cup closer to Bryant, who seemed to break of her confidence and curl back into herself. Brody watched her retreat again and wondered how much of this could have been avoided if she'd focused more. This wasn't the time for second guessing. She needed to reconnect, and help Pride talk to her.

"Agent Pride is going to have to ask you some more questions about your sister now." She leant forward, getting a little closer to Bryant who reached forward and took hold of one of Brody's hands on the table. She knew that often people who were grieving needed to hold something solid, something living, and Brody's hand had been right there.

"Did you go through something like this when your sister died?" Bryant whispered, barely loud enough for Brody to hear. She wondered if she would have had to sit through these interviews if she had been in the US.

"No, I was on a navy ship at the time." Who had done them since she was away, had it been their parents? Had it been James? She'd never actually found that out. Maybe that was something she should ask one of them next time they were in contact with her.

"Right." Bryant muttered, no longer really paying attention to Brody but to the room at large. Mostly though, she focused her attention on Pride, but not until it seemed like she was ready to speak again. "You think something happened to Eloise."

What Bryant had said was less a question, more a statement. The truth was that they didn't know. They had no clue, and so they were treating it as though something had happened. That way if it had, they were already moving, and if it hadn't they could close the case. "We don't know anything right now, we're waiting for her to arrive her from Baton Rouge, then we'll know more." Brody tried to fill in, giving Pride another moment to settle back into the room.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Pride said eventually, looking at Bryant with his usual kindly smile. She just gripped Brody's hand in one hand and her mug in the other.

"I'm going to hear that a lot aren't I?" She asked, turning back to Brody. It seemed that her attempts to pretend nothing had happened were beginning to crumble, and the initial shock was beginning to set aside and instead the kind of brain fog that accompanied a life changing event was setting in. Sometimes, that fog worked in this type of situation, but Brody was certain that wouldn't be the case here. "I don't want to believe that Eloise has gone."

"Madeline. We need you to focus right now and answer our questions." She knew that what would help was being at home. That was what Merri could do with her after this. Take her home and leave her with friends. "Then I'll take you home and you can tell me all about Eloise."

"Alright." Madeline squeezed her hand and she saw the worried look Pride gave her. Yes, this was hard on her, but she wasn't going to let it break her, not now. She had lived with Emily's memory for almost 8 years, and she wasn't going to break down in the middle of a case. When she was at home, or when they were alone was another matter entirely. She wasn't going to guarantee anything then. Here though, she would remain professional until the end.


	7. Chapter 7

**Who is officially the worst updater in the world. Oh yes, it's me. I'm sorry I've been so absent the last 6 weeks it's just been crazy here. I miss you guys a lot! Enjoy this update, and I'll get working on the next fic, which is called "Speak Soft". 3 chapters to go after this.  
Shin xx**

* * *

The office had been quiet for hours while everyone was doing what work they needed to get done. LaSalle had gone out to speak with someone about the case, Brody hadn't caught who, she'd been too busy ensuring that Madeline Bryant was safely in the care of one of her friends. The last thing she needed right now was to be alone. She was still stood upstairs, not really sure if she was ready to go back to work. She just needed a break. "Pride, does Brody have a sister." She heard from her perch at the top of the stairs, but she didn't move, just sat listening.

"What?" Came the snapped reply from Pride, and she immediately dipped back into the conference room and started looking like she was still gathering paper. He would still be able to see this bit, and she knew it would be important he think she wasn't paying attention. At least for this moment.

"I did a standard search for similar cases on the database and the case of an Emily Brody jumped out." She watched as Percy handed him the file, and it was at that moment that she decided she should make her presence known. It wasn't necessarily fair on anyone if she didn't, so she came out from where she'd been hidden and started making her way down the internal stairs carrying her interview file. "It's out of state, but so are the two others we've found."

"Thanks Percy. Don't give this file to LaSalle yet." Pride had clearly realised she heard the lot since she was coming down the stairs. He didn't look like he was sorry or angry. He just looked like he knew she was going to use this to feed her mental conspiracy theories. She didn't think they were mental, but she wouldn't, would she. "You were listening?"

"Yeah." She nodded, deciding not to pretend that she hadn't been. She was fairly certain that he wouldn't believe her anyway. All she was thinking right now was that it wasn't all in her head. Emily's case was possibly connected. "Emily's case might be connected?"

"Might be, but probably not." Maybe Pride was right, maybe nothing was connected, and all the similarities were just some sort of weird coincidence, but something told Brody that there was a connection. She didn't know what it was yet, but she'd find out. She couldn't live with herself if she didn't know for certain. "Eloise Bryant was killed by a drunk driver."

"So was Emily." She pressed, certain that something was up. She didn't know why. It was something strange, a niggle in the pit of her stomach. She just hated feeling that she was missing something. Something that was ridiculously important to both this case and to Emily's. It was hard, and she was going to stop herself eventually.

Pride was still utterly unconvinced. That was probably unsurprising, he had no reason to believe there was something more to this than an accident. "That's why it was connected."He tried to soothe her, and in fact it had the opposite effect. She was more convinced than she'd been before.

"Dwayne, can't you see." She tried using his given name, something she rarely, if ever, did. It just wasn't them. She could list the odd similarities in the cases, things that seemed to be far beyond normal. "A mysterious wedding, returning to Michigan, driving the whole way, killed by a drunk driver." She ticked them off on her fingers as they went, but he wasn't convinced and took her hands in his, looking at her kindly.

"Things that happen every day. They aren't necessarily connected." Pride's face didn't change, but she was sure that he was thinking about it really. He wouldn't tell her that, not immediately, but it would get in there, she was sure of that. "You need to take a step back. You don't need to be reliving what happened when Emily died. Remember what happened when you did that at the time." Was he implying that the memories of Emily would hamper her ability to do her job? That seemed like a low blow, even in this situation.

"Did you really just say that?" She asked, and looking at him one more moment she turned and stormed through the kitchen, screaming at him as she did. She didn't know where LaSalle and Percy were, or where Patton was. Screaming at him seemed like the best course of action. "Go to hell King."

~o~

 _Clearly, Meredith had underestimated her mother's ability to tell when something was wrong. The wake had been raging for a couple of hours, but Meredith just wasn't feeling it much. Everything was wrong in life right now, and she might lose the job she adored because of all this too. It seemed her mother worked out that something had happened without any prompting at all. "What happened Meredith?"_

 _"You heard about the bombing on a Navy ship?" She decided to just go for it. It had been all over the news, thankfully her name hadn't been mentioned, even though it had been her fault. She should have been quicker, she should have taken the shot when it was offered, but she didn't. She couldn't._

 _"Yes." Her mother answered softly, moving her chair closer so that Meredith could talk as quietly as she wanted to. It wasn't even that she wanted to be quiet, she had to be. That was the nature of talking about classified things. Though technically, the_ Moultrie _wasn't classified, but the investigation into her actions no doubt would be. But really, that wasn't what bothered her. What was bothering her was that the bombing was her fault._

 _"I was the Agent afloat. It was my fault." She should have taken the shot. She could have taken Hooper down. Maybe it wouldn't have done much, maybe it wouldn't have change the outcome, but she could have done something. Then those five people might still be alive._

 _"Why?" That was the million dollar question, and the one she was going to be asked a lot over the coming months, and probably years. Things like this didn't go away in NCIS. People who failed to stop bombs were remembered forever, and she wasn't saying why she hesitated._

 _Meredith remembered the call, standing there with the ships' XO being told that Emily had died. She remembered falling to the chair and sitting there, not sure how to feel. She'd known something was wrong, she'd known something had happened to Emily, but hearing the words. That was more than she'd been prepared for. "I'd only just learnt Emily died... and Hooper had the same eyes mom." Emily's eyes had always been something they'd teased about as a family. One brown eyed twin, one blue eyed twin. Mirrors of each other, down to their birthmarks. Those eyes would have stopped her anywhere. "I paused, and he detonated."_

 _"And the Navy blames you?" As always, the journalist in her mother got to the bottom of the story faster than anyone else. She'd hated that when she was a kid, right now, that was a great comfort to her._

 _"I was the NCIS agent aboard. I was right there. I had a clear shot." She had been silently beating herself up for the two weeks since it had happened. "I didn't take it because he made me think of Emily." That had been her downfall. She had thought of her sister and that had caused five people to die._

 _"Would you taking the shot have changed the outcome?" Her mother asked in a calm and measured voice. Something that Meredith hated, only because it was so at odds with the voice in her head that was telling her it was all her fault. That blood was on her hands._

 _"We'll never know. But five sailors died." She would always remember their names, just like she did the names of all the suspects she had killed on cases. You didn't forget the people you'd killed, even when it was done for all the right reasons._

 _"That's how you made it home in time." She had been lucky that her parents had wanted to give other family chance to make it back, hence why Emily's funeral was happening almost a month after she died._

 _"Yeah. I was given clearance to come home for this, but I need to be back in DC tomorrow for the inquest." She would have to get the overnight flight, but she was alright with that. She refused to leave this wake until she had to. This was her last chance to say goodbye to her sister. She wouldn't be able to do it again._

 _"You'll call me, with the outcome." Was all that was said, even though they both knew the futility of saying that._

 _"Sure. I'll call." She wouldn't. They both knew that. Meredith would tell her parents the outcome the next time family tragedy forced them all back together. She didn't like to call, and she didn't like to give news over the phone anyway. That was even more certain since Emily's death. Meredith hoped beyond hope that she'd be cleared. Because if she wasn't, she didn't know what would happen. But she couldn't move back here. Not without Emily. In fact, she'd be surprised if she ever set foot in Battle Creek again._

~o~

It was less than five minutes later that she felt the arms wrapping around her waist. She knew that he wouldn't do this unless he knew they were alone. She just couldn't believe that eight years later she was still paralysed when it came to Emily's death, and that she wasn't really sure how to cope with it. "Merri." Pride mumbled against her ear, and she took that as permission to let go.

"I really miss her." She muttered, letting go of the walls that had stopped her saying those words for years. She knew how she felt, she knew that Emily was still the first person she thought about in almost all situations. But saying that she missed her twin sister was not something that she had done very often.

"I know you do." He whispered, just keeping his arms around her. She was glad that he was here to offer her this support. Right now she really hate that she had the relevant experience for this case. She hated that she'd had to give the news she herself had been given that fateful August day in 2007. The day she learnt for a fact that Emily was gone. She'd known something for days, but she hadn't been prepared to know.

"This afternoon, Madeline Bryant asked if she'd ever get over losing her sister. I didn't know what to say." She had eventually told the truth, that even after almost a decade Brody wasn't over it. She still wasn't sure how to process that. Then again, Madeline had figured out that Brody was struggling, and that answering wasn't the easiest thing in life. "But she guessed, from my lack of answer."

"You told her about Emily?" He asked and it wasn't an angry tone, or anything else. It was just blank and flat. Not something she ever would have expected from him.

"I told her I lost my twin sister." She admitted. Normally she was against connecting personally with her subjects, be they family or suspects. But she had needed to connected to Madeline, and it had been appropriate.

"We can't have you going to pieces over this, that's not like you, and it's not what Emily would want." That was also true. Emily would kick her ass to hell and back if she knew that Brody was going to pieces over her death. "You need to bring back Special Agent Brody."

The truth was, while she had the shield, and most of the day could happily live as Special Agent Meredith Lynn Brody, other days she wasn't strong enough to keep that up. She needed to break down. "Some days, King, I'm not sure if I can." She knew her voice was quiet, but he paid attention to her, he would be able to notice something wasn't right.

"You can. Now I gotta go back to work. You need to decide what you're gonna tell LaSalle and Percy." She hadn't been prepared for that, she probably never would have been, no matter when that came up, and it couldn't have been hidden forever, but she'd hoped.

"Percy doesn't know?" That was surprising. She was the one who had seen the connection, realised the name. She must know something, surely.

"She saw the name and came straight to me. She didn't pry." Pride was certainly right, but that didn't make her feel better at all. "You need to tell them." He pushed, and until this moment he'd been perfectly fine with her not telling anyone. He knew her past and that was enough for her. She was certain that this wasn't going to be the easiest conversation to have.

"I know. I'm just... not sure I'm ready yet." Brody knew that their opinions on her would change the minute they knew what had happened. LaSalle at least knew that Emily had died, Percy knew nothing, and Brody was afraid of seeing that change in their eyes. The moment they learn she had tragedy in her past. They all did, really.

"Take some time here, then we'll have a staff meeting and you can tell them." That was one way for her to do this, and King was almost certainly right. This was the best way for her to tell them what happened to Emily. "I have to go to work now." He kissed her softly and squeezed her hands before walking away. She took a few breaths and realised he was right. She needed to gather herself and stop being pathetic. She needed to solve this case.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry I disappeared off the face of the planet, I was so busy because university started again. I'm so, so sleepy too. Anyway. Here we go.  
Shin xx**

* * *

Brody was thankful that Pride had managed to assemble their little team in the office, with this case they weren't all working right here, but they were here, and now they were waiting on her speaking. She knew that she'd need to tell Sebastian too, but right now she couldn't face adding him to this. His sad face made her want to hug him, and that would make telling the story hard. "What's going on Brody?" LaSalle asked, and the pressure made her clam up again.

"Yeah, I wanna know that too?" Percy echoed a moment later. They were both clearly losing patience, not that Brody could entirely blame them. She was supposed to be telling them what she had held inside for 8 years. But she wasn't sure that that was what she really wanted. She wanted to tell them, but she also wanted to keep Emily to herself. She knew that was no longer an option.

"Let her speak." Pride interrupted, stopping them peppering her with questions. That was what she needed, she needed calm and quiet so she could centre herself again. This was going to be harder than she expected.

"You're inside King?" LaSalle asked, and Brody was surprised that was even a question. he would have read her personnel file and put two and two together, even if it wasn't for the Moultrie investigation. She knew that he had learnt more about her during that investigation than anyone else.

"Of course." He rolled his eyes, stepping a little closer to her to disguise the movement of him putting his hand in the small of her back. Brody took a deep breath, and knew this wouldn't last much longer.

"You're quiet?" Percy directed at Patton, and the computer tech just looked at Brody and nodded softly. She was suddenly happy that he had learnt to read all of them, he knew she needed the silence before she let it out.

"I'm waiting on Brody speaking." He said, and silence fell after that. If Patton was waiting the two impatient agents could wait a few minutes too.

"Alright. I wasn't sure about telling anyone about this, but since Percy flagged the name earlier..." She shouldn't have been surprised that Emily's case had flagged, especially since she'd been having flashbacks and memories of Emily ever since she'd seen Eloise Bryant's file. Now she needed to take the plunge and explain. "My sister Emily may be peripherally connected to the case."

"What, how?" All three asked at the same time. That proved that Percy hadn't read Emily's file past the name. She was glad that Pride had requested the file when she'd asked him to. She still hadn't read it, but she knew he had, and that was enough.

"Brody hasn't your sister been dead... well a long time?" LaSalle clearly couldn't remember the exact details, and while he was a little blunter than most would have been, he had a point. Emily had been dead for 8 years almost.

"She died in 2007, August 27th. She was killed by a drunk driver, in a similar manner to our victim." There, she had said it. That didn't tell them about Emily. That told about the manner of her death. She wanted to tell them about Emily. "I wish you all could have met her. She was the funniest person you'd ever meet." She suddenly remembered the one time she and James had vacationed with Emily and her then boyfriend.

~o~

 _Emily had been eating chocolate cake for half an hour, and all she had done the whole time was tell Meredith how amazing it was. The problem was that Meredith was trying to get her exercises in while the boys were out doing whatever it was men did when they were on vacation. "You know, this chocolate cake is amazing." Emily said again, and Meredith gave up. The chocolate cake was far too tempting._

 _"Oh if only I could have some?" She asked, hoping that her twin would take pity on her and give her some cake. Sometimes the whole part of her job where she had to stay in shape was annoying. She knew that it was for a good reason, keeping her alive, but it was still annoying, and something she could live without at times. She really loved food._

 _"Here." Emily came close carrying a piece of cake, and smushed into Meredith's cheek then laughed loudly. This was not going to end well. Meredith remembered how vicious Emily could be during food fights. After a few minutes of giggling, Emily finally smiled and shrugged. "Sorry."_

 _"You weren't even aiming for my mouth." She huffed. That was a purposeful twist, and Meredith knew that she'd walked straight into it. It was funny at least, and she tried wiping the sticky cake from her cheek._

 _"I can aim for your mouth if you want?" Emily asked sarcastically, and Meredith noticed just a second too late that the cake was in reach. This was going to end with her being sticky._

 _Meredith squealed knowing what was coming, this was one of Emily's favourite games. That game was 'cover her twin with everything' and it normally ended up with Meredith in the shower for hours. "No, Emily!" She tried, put it didn't help. Very quickly they were both in fits of giggles and Meredith could feel chocolate cake all over her._

 _"You have chocolate cake all over your face." Emily fell back into her chair laughing loudly. Meredith was glad neither of them had asthma or they'd probably have ended up calling an ambulance on top of all this when one of them stopped breathing through laughing._

 _"I hate you." She complained, knowing that Emily would take it as the declaration of love it secretly was. This was going to be a fun thing to explain when the boys got back. Meredith might just decide not to explain it, let them accept it as it was._

 _"It's even in your ear." Emily chortled loudly. It was obvious that she thought this was all hilarious._

 _"I'm covered in cake!" She shouted, she could feel some bits that had dropped into her bra, and all in all it was a very uncomfortable situation._

 _"You did say you wanted some." She tried to defend, and Meredith just glared at her for a few seconds and shook her head._

 _She almost couldn't believe what Emily was saying. She had wanted to eat the cake, she wasn't about it as a fashion statement. It didn't look that good on her. "Yeah, to eat. Not to wear!"_

 _"Sorry." Emily laughed, and Meredith knew her better than thinking that she was actually sorry, she wasn't, and she never would be in situations like this._

 _"You're not at all sorry, are you?" Meredith asked, even though she already knew the answer._

 _"Not even a little bit." She shook her head, making Meredith laugh even louder. This was so ridiculous, but it was so perfectly them._

 _"What are you girls doing?" Came a voice from the door way and Emily stood up again as her boyfriend came around and looked at the two._

 _"Nothing. Liam we should go for a walk, Merri's gonna kill me." Emily grabbed Liam's hand and started back out of the kitchen, clearly bumping into her fiancé right outside the door. "James, your wife is wearing chocolate cake." Emily had referred to James and Meredith as married since the third week they were dating, they didn't even question it any more._

 _James came in and stopped, looking at her with a grin on his face. She heard the front door of the lodge slam shut, and she just looked up at James from where she was sitting at the kitchen table and shook her head. It didn't stop him asking. "What are you doing."_

 _"I was sister attacked." She shrugged, her face and upper chest absolutely cased in chocolate cake. It was probably a funny sight to everyone else, but to her it was just annoying now. "I'm going to go get in the shower and clean up."_

 _"Can I come?" James asked with a smirk. Meredith knew that shower time was one of James' favourite times too. He would think this a perfect opportunity and excuse to waste some time under the warm water, and she would appreciate the company._

 _"Why not." She shrugged and smiled. At least she could have some help washing the cake off, which was nice since she'd had so much help putting it on. Emily and Liam would be back soon, but hopefully Meredith would be long since clean when they did. Then she wouldn't want to kill her twin._

~o~

She shook her head, not needing the rest of that memory to surface right now. It was wildly inappropriate, especially now she was dating someone else. The cake memory was one of her favourites. "There was this one time-"

"Meredith." Pride muttered quietly. He so rarely used her given that it got her attention immediately and she realise that she was rambling on about. There was no need for the whole team to know the memories she was replaying in her mind.

"Oh, sorry. A story for another time." She smiled at Pride then started looking around at her colleagues around her. All of whom were processing this news in their own way.

"So it was your sister. Sorry Brody." Percy nodded at her. It was customary for Percy to be a little gruff, but Brody appreciated that trait in the other woman. She was an asset to the team, and she was looking forward to training her up in interrogation.

"Thanks. I don't..." She paused and swallowed, wiping her eyes. "I don't talk about Emily very much, you all know that. Even at home I don't talk about her, it hurts too much, and I hate overthinking it." She really did. Brody had laid in bed overthinking it before, and whoever she sleeping with had had to deal with that. Only Pride and James had ever cared to learn how to calm her. Thinking about Emily reminded her of something she'd said to Pride on more than one occasion. "She was my other half, I know people say that about their significant others... but it doesn't work that way for twins."

"You're a twin?" Patton asked, shocked. He was apparently the only one who could speak after that pronouncement. Maybe she should let them in. She was suddenly very glad of Pride's hand in the small of her back, it was the support she needed right now.

She laughed at that reaction. It was clear on all three faces they were a little shocked by that. At least she could have a little fun with this bit. It would be amusing to see what they all thought of the facts about her and Emily. They may have been twins, but really, their personalities were totally different. That was why they worked though. "Picturing two of me now?"

"A little, were you identical?" LaSalle asked. The fact that he didn't even know that she was a twin told her that she kept it maybe a little close to her. He knew she had sister, she had given him Emily's necklace to hold Savannah's medal a few weeks ago.

"Mirror. We were almost identical, but things that are on my left side are on her right." Their birth marks had been on opposite sides, their freckles too. The most obvious difference had been their eyes. Emily's bright blue eyes, some genetic quirk that Merri hadn't gotten. Everything was mirrored. Absolutely everything. "She was right handed too, and I'm obviously not. That's how got caught."

"That is weird." Percy commented, and that was something that Brody could agree to. When they were growing up she and Emily had enjoyed fooling people with their similarities, but those who knew them well could tell which was which by which hand they held a pen in, or which way they brushed their hair out of their eyes. Most teachers never got to know them that well.

"You have no idea." Brody laughed glad to see that her friends had just jumped straight in to helping her deal with the fallout from this case. All these memories of Emily were likely not really connected. Maybe she just wanted Emily's death to mean something, the idea of her just dying because of carelessness and idiocy made Brody angry. Telling her friends made her realise that maybe she was doing too much, and reaching too much. She needed to step back. Then she'd be able to learn the truth.


	9. Chapter 9

**OK. Here is where I make an admission - this was originally going to be much longer, much more interesting and so very different. Then in the middle of writing the fic I went "this is preposterous" and it wouldn't write. Now I'm kicking myself with what happened in the episode, so I regret that, and this fic may one day be rewritten from this point on. So I apologise to everyone I'm letting down with this story ending on a bit of a whimper. There is one more chapter after this. Then I'll be starting to post a story called "Speak Soft". I am, as always, sorry.  
-Shin xx**

* * *

Meredith wasn't in the mood, really, to hear the autopsy results. At the same time she knew Pride wouldn't let her hide away. Right as she thought that, and about how much she needed him, he came around the door and just wrapped his arms around her without saying a word. "You doing OK?" He asked softly, kissing her neck.

"Yeah. Telling them all was harder than I expected it to be." She hadn't really expected to ever _have_ to tell them about Emily, and what happened to her. She wasn't sure why she'd never thought about it, but she just hadn't. The feel of Pride's arms around her gave her some confidence, and made her feel a little safer, and happier.

"It's over with now." He whispered into her ear as he held her tighter. She had to admit, it was almost worth it all to be held like this. It seemed like a long time since they had the chance to be together like this at all. She'd never really expected to fall in love with someone at work, but she had. "Come on, Loretta's here."

"I'm not sure I can hear this, what if I'm right?" She shook her head, stepping back from him and frowning. She really wasn't in the right place to deal with her private conspiracy theory. She knew nobody else believed her, or even thought she might possibly be right, but she couldn't stop thinking about it.

"What if you're not?" Pride replied, and that was one way to look at it. He reached out and squeezed her hand, ad she shook her head. Pride used the hand he was holding to pull her out of the office she'd hidden herself away in.

She'd thought the worst part of telling her team would be the actual telling them. At least she did until she saw the looks of sympathy and pity on their faces. She was just going down the stairs when LaSalle, still mourning himself, was the first one to speak to her. "You good, Brody?" He asked, and she didn't really know what to say to him.

"Do you know if the poor girl had any funeral plans?" They all heard the question through the door, and all looked up as Loretta and Percy walked through the door. As they did that, Brody remembered Emily talking about funerals, and it just made her nervous. She'd always hated that, and now she couldn't get Emily's voice out of her head.

~o~

 _There was nothing Merri hated more than when Emily got in one of her morbid moods. It just reminded her that one day, Emily would be the only Brody twin left. The likelihood was that Merri would die first. She was a federal agent, Emily was an artist, there was really no contest. "What do you think happens when someone dies?" Emily asked, and Merri just looked at her and shook her head._

 _"Really, Em?" Came the question from the other side of the room, and Merri was suddenly glad that James was there. He was clearly as confused about Emily's choice of conversation as she was._

 _"It's a valid question!" She defended, and Merri put down the report she was reading, deciding that stepping in now before Emily and James started bickering again. She loved them both dearly, but their idea of 'friendly debate' was not one she shared. It tended to exhaust her, and she had too much work to do for that._

 _"Nobody can know what happens after someone dies, and I'm not sure I want to think about it." Merri knew already that that wouldn't put a stop to the train of thought, but it was worth a try though._

 _"Meredith, you should think about it though. What would you want James and I to do for your funeral?" Oh, yes. That was exactly the conversation she wanted to have right now. She and James hadn't even planned their wedding yet, and Emily wanted them to plan a funeral. With all that was going on with James' friend, who had been killed recently, this was not a good conversation to be having. Merri herself didn't care what they did for her funeral, it wasn't like she'd be in attendance._

 _"What makes you think I'm going to need a funeral?" Merri asked, sensing James start moving, and feeling him coming behind her a minute later and wrapping his arms around her. She appreciated the gesture, and wondered how much of his need to hold her was how upset he'd been recently. The problem was, Merri knew this wasn't enough to make Emily give up._

 _"You're the one who keeps saying that we have to prepared, with your job." Emily argued, clearly not planning on giving up at all. Merri really did want her to just drop it though. "What's that song you love? 'It's Not Your Fault'? We should play that."_

 _Merri really wasn't sure what to say to that. She did identify with that song, but it wasn't really the most appropriate song to play at a funeral. James, clearly, was even less impressed than she was at the fact this conversation wasn't ending. He squeezed Merri's hands and tried to smile weakly. "I'm going to work. I'll be back tonight." He kissed her cheek then glared at Emily as he walked out._

 _"What did I do?" Emily asked with an innocent expression on her face. It didn't entirely surprise Merri that her sister was completely unaware of why this conversation was a bad idea, but she still felt annoyed that Emily hadn't dropped it._

 _"You know the journalist killed in Iraq last week?" Emily didn't watch the news that much, but it seemed everyone had seen it._

 _"Yeah, He was caught in an explosion, right?" Emily_ had _seen the news. Clearly as she thought about it, Emily realised the problem, and looked slightly horrified. "Did James know him?"_

 _"He did, not well, but it really affected him." She had listened to his worries and fears about this situation for days, then there was the more worrying thing, at least for her, of the nature of his job. "He was meant to have that assignment." She sometimes hated that his job was as dangerous as hers, but it couldn't be helped. Not really._

 _"Sometimes my hints to get you off a topic don't work." Merri shook her head looking at her sister, somehow wondering how they were so different in this respect._

 _"Maybe you should just tell me to shut up." Emily pouted, and Merri wondered if Emily even knew how hard she was when she was on a roll. She could go on, and on, and on. Nothing Merri said could stop her._

 _"It doesn't work like that, Monkey." She used one of their litany of nicknames for each other to break the sudden tension. "You tend to keep going when we do." She needed to get Emily to start thinking twice about pushing certain topics of conversation. "On top of that, however interesting you think it is, I don't actually want to think about my funeral."_

 _"How will I know what you want for us to do?" Emily frowned at her, and Merri got up and wrapped her arms around her sister._

 _"Believe me, Em. By that point I won't care. Not even a little." She laughed and walked back to her seat, shaking her head a little._

 _"You're a weird one, Jessie." Emily grinned, using the nickname derived from her middle name. Merri hated that name, and Emily only used it when she wanted an end to whatever conversation they'd been having. Merri just, once again, looked up at her sister and rolled her eyes again. She loved Emily, but in this situation, she wasn't going to argue about ending the conversation._

~o~

All of them turned to Loretta as she walked in the building fully. Unsurprisingly, the ME wasn't looking all that happy about bringing in the results. Brody knew it wasn't because she didn't like coming here, but more because it meant they'd had another case. Right now, all she hoped was that she was wrong, but at the same time she didn't want to be wrong. "You have the autopsy results?" Pride asked, and they all walked toward her as Loretta handed the file to Pride.

"I do, she died of alcohol poisoning, it's probably what lead to the accident." Brody was just too shocked to really know what to say. The fact that, it was no longer a question of maybe. They knew exactly what was going on, and that should have made her feel better, but for some reason it didn't.

"That's definitive?" LaSalle asked, looking at the report as Pride passed it to him. Only skimming it before passing it on to Percy.

"I'm certain, as is Sebastian." Of course. Their little tech nerd would have done a reconstruction and figured everything else out. They probably knew everything about the crash, and how it had happened.

"That matches with the witness statements and the initial police report." Percy pointed out, and Brody remembered that from the reports, and everything else she knew. It was important that all matched up, and it meant this was over.

"She shouldn't have been driving, really. But people do stupid things." Loretta nodded as the autopsy report finally reached Brody and she read all the way through it. Reading through it she realised exactly how unlikely it was that this could ever have really been what she'd suspected.

"So it's not foul play?" Brody couldn't help but let the question slip out, even though Loretta's answers so far were making it clear that there was no reason to be suspicious. She knew that there was some small part of her that didn't want to believe it.

Loretta nodded, and looked between the four agents and shrugged. It did mean there was no longer a case, and all they could really do was keep talking to the family until they had gotten through the worst of it. "Definitely not." Loretta eventually said, and was then pulled off by LaSalle and Percy. Brody didn't know what they were talking about and, really, she didn't care. All she could think about was what she was going to tell Madeline, and how this was going to work.

"What will I tell her sister?" She muttered, not even sure there was even anyone stood around her any more. She wasn't paying enough attention to the surrounding area, and she almost jumped when Pride put a hand on her arm gently. Clearly realising she wasn't paying that much attention.

"Meredith, maybe you should let me handle it." He said, and she had to admit that would be easier. He was only trying to protect her, and help her out. She knew that, but somehow it felt like a comment on how she was coping with all of this.

"No, she knows me. King." That was something that would make it easier. He knew that she was more than a little too invested in this, and she needed to be stopped and have someone just stop her from worrying too much and stressing herself out too much.

"Take some time, you need to be calm when speaking to family, you know that." He put his hands on her shoulders and she just looked up at him. Somehow she was both devastated and relieved. While it was certainly better, in a way, that there was no murder or conspiracy, Brody knew that not having someone to blame could make it harder to move on from. "I'll come with you." Pride offered after a few minutes, then pulled her against his chest.

"Thanks." She muttered. It just really wasn't something that she wanted to think about. She remembered being told how Emily died, and it really didn't help at all. Sure, they knew what had killed them, but in the long run it didn't mean anything. Her sister was still dead, and the how and why of it didn't matter.


	10. Chapter 10

**OK so, as mentioned in the previous A/N... this is nothing like how this story was originally going to end. I may one day go back and look at it again. For right now though, this is how it ends, and I'm really very sorry for that. Tomorrow (or very soon) I'm going to start posting the story "Speak Soft", which is part of my ongoing Brody/James series. So, hope you guys come back for that. Thanks for reading this.  
Shin xx**

* * *

Brody hadn't planned on turning up to the funeral, but she couldn't imagine not going in the end. She could take the report into their investigation, and she could pay her respects to an officer she'd never met. There was something that had had her connected to this case, and maybe this would be a sign of her seeing it through to the end. So as she stood there she tried to focus on the day, and put out of her mind anything else. After the service she walked up to Madeline and smiled until she was alone. "Madeline, I brought you the report, and came to pay my respects." She smiled a little, trying to break any discomfort they were feeling.

"Agent Brody, I didn't expect you here?" Madeline looked genuinely surprised, but she didn't look angry or disappointed. She accepted the file and nodded a couple of times. Brody was sure there would be parents and other family there, but to her, nobody mattered but Madeline, because she knew exactly how she was feeling. 8 years wasn't enough time to dull the pain of losing her twin sister.

"I didn't really expect to be here, but I felt like I should." She had just felt like coming here was the only thing she could really do to be respectful to the people she'd been busy investigating for much of the last few days. She did feel guilty that they'd had to turn Eloise's life upside down, but it couldn't be helped. At that moment Madeline's eyes slipped past her, to where Pride was talking to someone.

"You brought Agent Pride?" Madeline asked, clearly a little confused. Sure, Pride wouldn't normally come on something like this. But he'd seen how broken she'd been over the course of the last few days, and he knew how many memories of Emily had been brought up while she'd been investigating. So he was there for her more than the occasion.

"He's here to check on me." She answered honestly after a minute, turning to smile in his direction. She was actually glad he was there, because if he wasn't she wasn't sure she would have been able to do any of this.

Madeline looked her over and it seemed like she saw something in Brody's reply that made her ask the next question. "You feeling guilty?" Brody was confused what she was guilty about, but Madeline clearly also realised that she hadn't been clear, so she continued her thinking. "For not being right?"

"No." She shook her head. She definitely wasn't guilty about that. She was actually relieved now. There was almost a week distance, and she realised exactly how crazy her theory had been. No wonder her team had been worried about her. She hadn't been spouting the most normal of theories. Even Sebastian's conspiracy theories made more sense in most ways. The truth was she was just sad. For Madeline, for Eloise. For anyone was going through what they'd been through. "I'm just sad, for you, and I'm sorry, for Eloise."

"Meredith, does it get any better?" Madeline asked quietly a few seconds later, and that question brought Brody up short. There were a lot of ways she could answer this. But she wasn't the type who would give false hope, so she decided that honesty was the best policy.

"No, it doesn't." She shook her head honestly. Better wasn't the word for it. Things got easier, you learnt to cope, to not miss them as much. But nothing was ever the same again, and nothing was ever as easy as it had seemed before. Brody had been trying to figure all of this out for eight years. "But you learn better ways to deal with it."

"Really?" Madeline looked like she didn't quite believe that. Brody could understand why too. right now she was feeling adrift, and there was a part of her that was literally missing. She'd spoken to a lot of twins who had lost one half of their pairing, and every one of them had felt the same sense of physical loss, not just emotional, when it came to a twin.

"Yeah. You will always miss her though. Forever." No matter how long passed, Brody still missed her sister, and it almost felt like she would never get over it. She would go to talk to Emily's grave, but it never helped as much as she thought. Sometimes, just sitting there and thinking about Emily was easier. That had become something she did a lot.

~o~

 _Sitting down in front of the headstone, Merri realised how long it had been since she'd looked at those words. Those words she had helped pick. Had it really only been a couple of weeks since Emily had called her crying about the last Harry Potter book, and had pointed out the inscription as being something she particularly liked. So there it was, seven years later, still there on her stone. 'The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death'. It was such an Emily thought. So she sat on the grave and closed her eyes to make it easier. "Hey Emily, it's me."_

 _"I know it's been a while since I visited you, I just didn't really know what to say." She still didn't really know what to say. It had been years since she'd sat on this bit of turf and spoke. It was the only way she could really feel at all close to her sister now._

 _"James and I split up." That seemed as good a place to start as any. She knew she hadn't spoken about James last time she was here, she'd been too broken for it to even talk to Emily. She owed her sister a fuller explanation of why they were done, so she thought of how to say it best. "A couple of months after you died he left for Afghanistan. Stopped all the plans. I've seen him a few times since, but I'm not sure I've forgiven him."_

 _That brought her to her other thoughts on relationships and her now non-existent love-life. It was going to stay that way as much as it could. There was just no point in opening herself up to that kind of pain. "I'm not dating any more. It's not really worth it." She had never been the type of woman who had desperately needed someone in her life, no matter what was going on. She preferred being autonomous, now she was just making that an actual decision rather than happenstance._

 _"I'm moving again, this time to New Orleans." Once upon a time, that was one of the places Emily had always wanted to go, and maybe Merri could make it happen. In spirit at least. It might not be the same as her actually having been able to go there, but it was almost as good. The truth was, Merri was only going because she knew that Emily would love the city, and would want to be there all the time. "I know it was somewhere you dreamed of going, so I'll bring you something back. I promise."_

 _"Whatever happens, Emily, I hope you're happy wherever you are now." That was, to Meredith, the most important thing. She didn't know what the afterlife was like, she didn't know anything about what was waiting for her when she died, all she hoped was that Emily was happy, and whole. "I miss you every single, and I can't wait to see you again." A simple truth seemed like the best way to say goodbye right now. They'd be together again one day, she knew that. It was something she had to hold onto._

~o~

After another few seconds Madeline moved off, and Brody knew that it was time to go, to let this family grieve in peace and quiet. She wanted to stay, but she knew she shouldn't, so she walked up to Pride and slid her arm around him. After a moment he reciprocated, and they started the slow walk out of the graveyard. As they walked, Pride squeezed her lightly and looked at her seriously. "You feeling OK?"

"Yeah. I think so." She replied after a few seconds of thinking. Already she could feel the sadness lifting off of her. Coming here had been the right choice. She'd been able to close the chapter and write off anything else. Brody could now admit that she'd been wrong, and that she was happy she had been.

"Merri?" Pride pushed after a few seconds, clearly realising that she was still distant. She might have been better, but all she could think about was what Emily would think of her big sisters' new life. What would the younger twin think of the decisions the elder had made in the years since she died. Brody just wished she could know the answer to those questions.

"I'm just thinking about Emily, about how much I miss her." That was a subject that never seemed all that far away right now. It was always something that she'd need to focus on, because if she concentrated her memories every so often she'd be able to focus more when the time called for it, and she would be as distracted as she had been since the start of this case.

"You'll always miss her, I guess." He replied, turning them in another direction, one she realised was a longer way back to their car. She was also enjoying this walk, so she let him take the longer road. It was alright with her. As for always missing Emily, she was coming to accept that.

"I think so, I had so many amazing memories of her." She truly did have amazing memories of Emily, and she'd relived a few of them recently. The good and the bad. She had remembered creative, brilliant, beautiful, comedic, morbid Emily. She had loved every facet of her sister, and she found she missed them all the same.

Pride squeezed her gently again, and she reciprocated the gesture. She knew it was his way of making her feel like she was the only important thing to him. A moment or two later Pride spoke again, and it was something that she'd never really considered as being something he'd be interested in. "Maybe one day you could share them with me?"

"Possibly." She already knew that she would start letting him in more to her history as a twin soon. Probably when they were safe somewhere, quiet and alone. She needed that safety to speak about Emily, as it was something she held so close to her heart. "Do you think I'll ever really move past losing her, King?" It wasn't a fair question, but she still needed to ask him.

"I don't know. She's your sister and you'll never be the same without her." That was not the answer, or the explanation, she'd been expecting. The problem was, Brody knew he was probably right. She hadn't been the same since she'd lost Emily. She was a new person, a more closed person, someone who didn't share her feelings unless she had to.

"That doesn't make me feel any better." She complained. She'd hoped he could pick her up and make her feel a little better about this situation. Apparently he couldn't do that right now, but she knew that he would try. Especially when she was in desperate need of being picked up. he'd always been good at knowing when she needed that little push.

"Whatever happens, you're stuck with me." He leant in and pressed his forehead against the top of her head. She was quite happy to stay there for a few minutes. She was about to start moving when Pride started whispering in her ear. "I can't replace her, but maybe I can help?" She turned her head slightly and saw his smile.

"Thanks." She smiled, feeling honestly blessed that Emily had brought her to this place, and these people. They had helped her rebuild after years of running. They had given her the strength to face her past, and to look at everything with a brighter outlook. This was the first home she'd had since she and Emily had shared the flat in San Francisco. She had a new family, and they were a family who had adjusted, and found a place for the ghost of Emily Brody too.


End file.
